I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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