i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
