Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Sorry about my life...
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
