Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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