Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
