Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
