Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
