it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
