Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
