I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
