i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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