I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
