Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
