I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
