My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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