she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
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