He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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