in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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