No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
