I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I won't apologize to a one balled man
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
