Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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