I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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