he shaved USA in his pubs
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
