So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
