I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
She's like a pop up book from hell.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
