Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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