Grow some girl-balls and come out already
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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