Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
