i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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