it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
