I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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