Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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