the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
3pm strippers are depressing
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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