i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
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