I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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