Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
