i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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