they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
