Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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