There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Randomize
