You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
