Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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