don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
