im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
