Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
