i think my tv is drunk
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
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