You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
