Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
