I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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