Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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