dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
