dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Your dad touched me again.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
