Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
