the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
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