here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
