o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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