you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
