I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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