Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
