please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Randomize
