Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
This beer is not sobering me up at all
he fucked my hip out of place.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
