dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
