I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
i just had sex bonerless
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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