there's paper in my vomit.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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