my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
