omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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