I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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