Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
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