take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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