this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
