I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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