my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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